Wait, is that MY heart?

I woke up this morning w/ zero symptoms - no bloating and no cramping, which have been the two worst culprits. Reflecting on the weekend, I realized that I hadn't had them yesterday and maybe not on Saturday, either. Given that I'd had very strong regular cramping sensations for the past two weeks (and a huge belly from all the sexy bloating), not to mention the intermittent stabbing on the left side of my lower abdomen, this has me worried a bit. I still went to morning yoga, but as I walked over the Manhattan Bridge to get to work (the best way to start your day, especially when the new Jack White is blaring through your headphones) I called my doctor to see if they shared my concerns. Unfortunately, they did.

Thankfully Rick was able to join me for our emergency appointment and at 2:00 we were sitting in the waiting room under very different circumstances than we'd envisaged our first ultrasound. It was a fifteen minute wait, during which I had three cups of water and peed twice. This is not abnormal, for the record.

We finally were led to a room for me to change into an itchy robe (side note: why do I seem to end up in black socks at the doctor - I mean, obviously I'm not trying to be sexy in the stirrups, but....). Despite my previous trips to the bathroom, I soon found that I didn't pee ENOUGH....

Because that ultrasound device is invasive, yo! And it was only compounded by my apparently never-empty bladder, which my doctor kindly showed me on the machine by wiggling the wand around and around and around and around. Ow.

Then there it was - The Nugs, in full effect! Not really; it was just a tiny blob as Nuggers is only 6 weeks and 3 days, but it was still really cool b/c it is OUR blob and the Hubs and I are quite proprietary all of a sudden. Then, as the omnipresent wand pressed harder and more intrusively against my bladder, we saw it - the flutter. It was a little bit like a microscopic jellyfish's filament. It was almost the coolest thing to happen to me until the doctor turned on the audio. It was so loud that I just could not comprehend that the fluttering microbe could possible make such a racket and I said, "Is that MY heart?" It could have been my heart if I had just run at a dead sprint for a minute - the heart rate was 150 bpm.

Anyway, that is our story, but what people don't talk about are the emotions. I did shed a tear when I saw and heard the heartbeat, I can't lie. It is pretty major. But it also isn't. I feel like I'm trying to feel more than I do b/c I really don't feel all that much. I'm not showing and I'm fortunate to be fairly symptom-free, so I don't have an inherent connection there yet. That is what I'm waiting for. For now, I'm happy to just take in that pic above w/ nothing but a sense of sheer befuddlement (with a shit-eating grin on my face).

PS - I know the image is sideways. It's a blob (on a blog). Deal w/ it.